So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
