I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
