Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
