Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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