they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
