If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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