It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
