hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
