i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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