I faked an abortion last night.
too bad you live with your parents still
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...