Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
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Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
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I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.