God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.