they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
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No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
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So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password