Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"