Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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