Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
