omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
