im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
