naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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