What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
