He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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