I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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