she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
