Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
