dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
