i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
