dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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