Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
