Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
