What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
