so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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