Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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