I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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