the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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