just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
