He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
