Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
as a side note pls kill me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
