so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
