I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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