Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Life is so much better after having sex.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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