There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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