No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
