is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
