porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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