Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
