with your own penis?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
