Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
