your thong is hanging out like whoa
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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