my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
