Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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