Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
