Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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