how can u be prego again
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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