We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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