I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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