there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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