I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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