I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
