I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
