**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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