Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
