Joe is yelling at the trees again.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
