Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
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I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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