you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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