I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
