good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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