There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
