just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
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It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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