why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
