I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
